I just pynch a tree in the face
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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