I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
