Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
