You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
