how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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