sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
