I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
