I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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