what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
