I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
