How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
