My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
