He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
