went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
