my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
