I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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