we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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