im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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