I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
