i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
