so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
