I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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