And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
