Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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