I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
