she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
