I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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