It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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