This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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