who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Damn victory sex feels great
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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