ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
love makes seman taste better
Everything about him screamed your future.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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