I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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