did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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