im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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