white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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