woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
