He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have fence marks all over my body
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
