I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
smell my finger.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
