can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
