she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
