He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
