Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
