Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
