This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
