If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
