By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dick very happy bro
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
