Small penises have feelings too.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
