wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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