We won't sleep together?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
