my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
