I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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