Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
