Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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