I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
