I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
