She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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