I think I died a long time ago.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
